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Island Girl Married in Texas

Live.Laugh.Love. Hakuna Matata

Specifics

I’ll be 28 years old come August. I’m really getting up there in age. The problem with this is, I never really had a REAL direction that I wanted my life to go in. I was taught, go to high school, go to college, get a job. I did all of that and I still felt unfulfilled, I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I’m Bahamian, born and bred. However, I have no rhythm, I’m not the most outgoing person, I’m not loud and boisterous. I’m pretty meek and mild, I like to party, but more of a wall flower kind of party person. I’m not particularly good at any one thing, but I’m also not skilled enough in a wide variety of things either. It’s kind of hard to find things I naturally get excited about. So I’ve always had a a huge dilemma in my life. I’ve always envied people who seem to just fit into a groove in life and are really confident in their abilities.

This break has been really good for me to address this type of thing in my life. I’ve been able to really sit down and ask myself what I specifically want out of my life, pertaining o goals, people, and even myself. I’ve had time in the past, but I never took my dad’s advice and really appreciated it. I’ve chosen not to rush back to work, because I really want to be specific with my life. I want to be intentional about my goals, my words, my actions, my love, my spirituality/prayers. I want everything in my life to serve a higher purpose than myself. This has come from taking the time with God, and also realizing that the reason people feel so unfulfilled a lot of times is because they don’t have a higher purpose than themselves. Of course I still would like the finer things in life; a nice place to live, a nice car, to travel, to dine well, etc. However, we have to learn to be okay with where God has us, even if our life doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. One of the greatest lessons my friends and family has taught me was that it really doesn’t matter the hand that you are dealt, but it’s the way you choose to play it.

Why Losing My Job Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me This Year

So, 2 weeks and a day ago, I lost my job. Most people would be terrified and afraid for their livelihood. But me? I haven’t felt this kind of peace in a while. The day I lost my job, I had actually written a resignation letter, just in case, because some things had happened recently that made me uncertain of how long I would be there anyway.

While the job was a great one, that’s all it was, a job. There was no passion, there was no ambition for me there. I was a glorified receptionist. I have a Bachelors of Science in Psychology, I’m more qualified for a job other than a glorified receptionist. Most college graduates are, but these are the jobs they try to give us. Anyway, when I first started, everyone remembers my excitement I’m sure. That job however, got me thinking about what I REALLY wanted out of life. And I definitely don’t think it was a coincidence that I lost my job that Wednesday.

When I began it was a new an exciting experience, I was working as an “Accounting Coordinator” and was  in a “corporate job” that gave you free food and Dallas Cowboy Tickets. However, as far as advancing and using my particular skill sets, there wasn’t a real opportunity there. The job became monotonous, and with monotony comes boredom. While I understand that people are majorly responsible for their own “boredom” problems, if you’re really doing a job that isn’t fit for you, or you’re not fit for, it will show one way or another. I specifically did not do accounts in college, failed it in high school and even switched my major from Business to Psychology, because I knew I wanted to do something that contributed positively to society, not something that only focused on the bottom line.

So, in me losing this job I’ve had time to think, sleep more, plan more moves without a boss over my shoulder, workout effectively, not snack as much. Like I said, losing this job gave me a peace that I hadn’t had in a while. In looking for work now, I’m looking at very specific jobs I know my skill sets would fit in with and that I would be able to say I made a positive contribution to someone or something on a daily basis.

While yes, uncertainty isn’t what we want as humans, it is usually what God needs us to have to work miracles in our lives. And I know that it’ll be okay, just because of the peace he’s bestowed on me in this time.

 

When it Rains it Pours

So these last few weeks have been very interesting. My husband lost his job last month, I lost mine this month (a week ago today actually). So it’s been one thing after the next. 

Losing this job has been pretty liberating for me actually. I’ve been quite happy to not have to get up and go make money for someone else. My skin is glowing now
 and I dont get stress headaches anymore. So I see me losing this job as a blessing. 

We’re fine financially. We have savings and family help. The one thing that is a bit stressful is having to be the strong wife. I don’t see this as a negative thing, because God has always taken care of us. I’m really using this time to figure out God’s purpose for my life. I can’t just do a job for money. Money isn’t a great motivator, but I need a place where I’m actually changing lives. 

While the saying “when it rains it pours” is true. Two things we can learn is, if you’re going to do something, do it big. Don’t drizzle, pour. Also, sometimes it’s okay to find the beauty in storms. It teaches you things about yourself and gives you clarity if you let it. 

Being a Wife at 27

So, in approaching my second year of marriage in a few months and my 28th birthday soon as well, I feel compelled to put words out there to describe how this marriage has been so far. The best word I can say is challenging. It has challenged me beyond a good majority of things in my life. The only other event in my life that has challenged me this much, is my daily Christian walk.

I never realized how young 27 was, until I had to do wifely duties, hold down a full time job, try and achieve the rest of my dreams, and maintain my sanity lol. Those who have kids while doing all of this, I applaud you. You guys are superwomen, if I had a kid at the moment, I would probably crack.

Anyway, back to the challenging part. It had forced me to, as the kids say nowadays “level up.” One thing I hate is people getting on me for ANYTHING, I’m always in my mind kind of like “Just take it to Jesus and leave me alone.” However, if you want your marriage to be successful, you can’t be like that. You have to actually be like Jesus, instead of telling people to take their issues with you to him. So that’s been a huge challenge, is humbling myself enough to listen and have an actual productive conversation about things that may be wrong with me. Luckily I know I’m not alone here.

The next challenge was learning to put my husband before myself. The saying is “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” right? Let me tell you, the man I married does not live my philosophy by any means necessary. Don’t get me wrong, I think he likes to see me smile, I think lol. He doesn’t however believe in always giving me my way, and the fact that II have too much pride to beg for my way until I get it helps him with that. I’ve learned to just leave people with the answer they give me and find my own way of getting things. Begging is too degrading in my opinion. Which is why I can never identify with memes like this:

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I’m not bout to cry to get my way.

Next challenge: Having to always share my life. I grew up as an only child. I’m used t having my own stuff and not a soul to share it with. Ironically, I never had my own place, so I’ve always shared a space, but I have always found a way to have my own space. I never had to share toys, phones, computers, etc. So coming into this union that now goes from “I” to “We” very quickly, it was tiring, especially since I was tired of sharing a space with people. However, there are days when he may not be around and I do wish he was there to share that space with me. So it evens out I guess.

The next challenge: Having someone with different spending habits. Granted, my husband isn’t a “penny pincher” but he is better at having enough discipline to save. His family has always justified reasons for their purchases, Morgan has never had to do that a day in her life. I wanted it, I got it. So now that we’re sharing expenses, I have had to *gulp* budget. This is a challenge, because spending money make me feel good. But being a married adult, you have to get better at some point.

These are just a few of my own personal challenges. Feel free to share yours or find humor in mine lol

Stop Speaking To Your Brokenness/Let It Go/Trusting God

So this one probably won’t have a picture. I just wanted to share an experience I had at a woman’s group meeting about 2 weeks ago. It really was needed and I’m sure I’m not the only person out there that this message can touch as well. It came to me in 3 parts.

1. Stop Speaking To Your Brokenness

We as a society have become so used to focusing on our own problems that we cannot move past them no matter how much we try. We speak to our brokenness constantly in a sense, be it the words we speak, our actions, or just our inability to make a conscious effort to change our pattern of words/thoughts when the time has come to move on. This isn’t healthy in any way, shape, form or fashion. We have to learn to let hurt and pain go and stop having contests about who can care less, who can hold on to pain more, who has the bigger hurt/pain. We have to stop intentionally/unintentionally speaking to the worst in our life and start speaking to the better parts of our life and watch those magnify and grow.

2. Let It Go

This more so refers to people actually. Letting old toxic relationships go so that we can grow as people. I’m a person that values time, because I didn’t like to think that I would’ve wasted my time with anyone. Sometimes though, I’ve had to just let the years go along with the person. That hurts, but it’s necessary for growth. You cannot stay in the same place, doing the same things with the same people for 10/15/20 years. You have to grow and move on and even move out at times. I didn’t understand (and still don’t)  necessarily understand God’s calling on my life, but following him doesn’t always guarantee upfront answers, and that’s okay. It does a lot of times though, require letting go of old relationships and places and moving where he’s calling you to go, no matter how difficult the journey. And this brings me to my third and last point

3. Trust God

Trusting God. Trust is word that word that I would like to believe all Christians are familiar with. Our very basis for hat we believe is faith driven. God has called us to trust him in all things, not just on our test papers, or our career life, but yes, even that man/woman you want to date/marry. This isn’t always the easiest thing.  A lot of times as humans, we fear the unknown, we would like to have answers when we went them and no later and sometimes no earlier either. However, we have to trust that God’s timing is the best for us and it always reaps the best rewards when we do.

Waiting…..The Frustration

waiting

So….my life for the last 6 months had been nothing but waiting……and it’s frustrating. So, I decided to blog about it, because I’m sure I’m not the only person right now waiting for something and want whoever else out there that is, to know that I feel your pain.

Right now, I have to wait on my work permit and my green card before I can make another move in my life. Don’t get me wrong, God has blessed me, but I just hate being in limbo. I’ve never really been in a place where I couldn’t do some kind of work. Now, I literally cannot do any without one of the two documents I need. I’m tired of just waiting on them to make a decision. However, I think this says something about my character.

You know how easy it is to encourage someone else that their prayers are gonna be answered? Yea, super easy right. Easy to say “Just wait on God. He’s gonna work it out” but that’s because it’s not you in the situation having to wait on this thing. Or even “don’t worry, everything takes time.” Easy to say when it’s not you in the situation. I’m good for KNOWING other people are gonna get what they ask for, but right now I feel like it’s to now avail for me. And I really want to punch people in the throat that tell me these same things I’ve told people, because I just had that faith for them. It’s like “do you not see how frustrated I am? And that’s the best line you can give me to try and pitifully help? Go away.” To top it off, today I went to get some hair stuff and found out some idiot in Washington tried to use my debit card number so now I have to get a whole new card, which was definitely enough to make me want to have a breakdown. However, it wasn’t that small incident, it was the fact that I felt powerless, because I didn’t have a car to go swing to the bank, pick up a new card and then go to CVS to purchase my thing. Having to wait and rely on people some days is the most frustrating thing God has ever asked me to do.

At 26 (27 in August), my life is FAR from what I wanted it to be at this point, school and career wise anyway. However, I know I can’t be the only person feeling this way. I feel super stuck in a situation right now and I just want to have a break down in. I feel like I have no control and I just have to wait on God. Waiting on God, in theory is the best thing, but to practically put that in use is sometimes the most tedious thing and by the end of the day, you feel drained like you just fought the biggest battle of your life, even though you’re just a housewife (or whatever you are as you wait).

I just want y’all to know that I understand and feel your pain. One day we won’t be stuck, one day we will have those accomplishments under our belts. One day, but for now we have to play the waiting game. It’s not easy, it is frustrating, it is tiring, it does hurt some days, the breakdowns will come. However, the breakthroughs will come as well, or we can hope lol.

10 Lessons I’ve Learned In My First Year Of Marriage

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So, June 11th is going to be my one year marriage anniversary. It’s definitely been a journey lol. From how I got married, to getting through the first year, the story is definitely not a traditional one, but I guess I’ve never really been a traditional girl. However, there are a few essential lessons that my marriage has definitely taught me in this early stage (and these are lessons people gave me before hand, but they became pretty clear actually being in it lol):

  1. Keep God first. If you don’t, I promise that all hell will break loose.
  2. Communication is EVERYTHING. Whether it be in marriage or just in life in general, communication will save you every time. You have to learn to talk issues out without fighting. You also have to learn to be a good listener vs listening to answer back.
  3. You have to learn to keep people out of your marriage. It’s tempting to vent to your friends and family, but I promise you, the less opinions you get, the easier it is to control your marriage and make it what you and your partner want it to be.
  4. You have to learn to let go. Let go of your own selfish ambitions. Let go of the picture you thought your marriage would be like. Let go of some expectations of what you thought your partner would be like. Holding on to those things can only hurt a marriage.
  5. Social media can hurt a marriage if you allow it to.
  6. Keeping your partner first is important, but it’s not always the easiest thing to do. It does get easier if you do your best to reference lesson 4 though lol.
  7. You won’t always see eye to eye sometimes, and that’s fine. Family fights sometimes, it doesn’t mean the love isn’t there or that the world is over. However reference lesson 2 and those times are kept to a minimum.
  8. Your journey is not the same as other people and looking at others will damage you, your journey and your relationship with your partner.
  9. As a woman growing up in this society, it can be difficult to allow the man to lead. We’re taught a lot of things we don’t realize until we’re put in situations that oppose those beliefs.
  10. Be at peace. It’s okay to take some time for you, it’s healthy even. In those times however, make sure you’re doing something to edify yourself and that will strengthen your relationship. Pray, write, read, even sleep if you need to. Just make sure it’s helping to make you better for when you come back to reality 🙂

Memory Lane

So, I’m a person who cherishes memories, the good and the bad. Some people don’t and that’s fine. For me, memories are important, because they serve as reminders that I may need later in life. However, the problem is I can get so wrapped up in memories that I wish to be there instead of in the present.
Since I got my wisdom teeth out, I’ve had A LOT of time to just lay around and think (mainly cause these medicines take it all out of me lol). Anyway, today I was looking through one of my friends’ pictures, reminiscing about our friendship and all the people we’ve met, had fun with and lost along the way. I can truly say that God has blessed me tremendously. Every time I lost out big time, God gave me a replacement that was much better than I ever prayed and hoped for.
The problem I’ve had is appreciating those things BEFORE they became a memory. Being married now, this has been one of the shortcomings in myself that I’ve had to face, appreciating the present. Appreciating the past is easy, you can mentally mold it into whatever you WANT it to be, despite what it actually was. Appreciating the future is a little more challenging, BUT because it hasn’t come yet, you can also mentally mold that into how you would like it to turn out and appreciate that. The present however is the most difficult, which is funny because this is the one thing that you can ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY mold to your liking. For me however, facing the fact that I have to actually now mold it was always the challenge. Making something up in your mind and making it happen in real life are two totally different concepts, and sometimes I truly don’t think I ever really had anything concrete in my mind I desperately wanted to become a reality for me.
At 26, I’ve had quite a lot of growing up to do in a short amount of time to make up for lost time. I realize that as much as I cherish those memories, those times are gone, and I can’t get them back. They were great while they lasted, but they’re not my reality anymore. My reality is a much better version of what I ask God for by the age of 26. I appreciate the fact that after 10 years, he still gave me what I asked for with an abundant amount of blessings added on.
Memory Lane Road Sign
Memory Lane Road Sign with dramatic clouds and sky.

Being Thankful For a Heavenly “No”

So, I have this habit of going over my life. Sometimes it’s not such a great thing, because I tend to fall into blaming myself and wanting to hold myself back. However, the last time I did, was a blessing. God reminded me why, when he says “no” it is also a blessing.

There were  a lot of thing I wanted for my life when I was younger, however those were not going to end well for me. God knew what was best for me and he saved me quite a bit from situations and people that would’ve drastically changed the course of my life and his plan for me. God saved me and allowed me to get to where he wanted and needed me to do his will.

Every “no” from God has a blessing wrapped inside of it somewhere.I know for me, I found it when I stopped throwing my temper tantrums and decided to trust him while going through the heartbreak of not getting what I asked, begged and/or pleaded for. I realized that what God gave me was so much better.

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